So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
