i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
