So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
