What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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