Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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