9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
