Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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