This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
