I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
