she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
