I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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