a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
