There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
