I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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