ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
