U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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