I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
