So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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