Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
