8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
