I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
