Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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