Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is my gift to your gina
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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