Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
