Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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