We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
