Already got asked if we're dating
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
