omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
