You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
