Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
