I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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