Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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