i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
