Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
