It's Friday. Sex?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
