we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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