just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We have started to decorate penises.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
