Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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