my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
