She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
