Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
