this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
