we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
