i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
