Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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