her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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