he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
