I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
