how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize