Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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