im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
