I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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