I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
