Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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