What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
