dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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