While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
