what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
