He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
