The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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