i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
porn star boner night. come get it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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