She tied me up with her honor cords...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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