Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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