Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
