..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
