Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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