Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
