I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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