Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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