I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
