First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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