a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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