Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize