I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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