sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
