Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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