I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
God, I missed his penis.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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