are you still at the devil's house?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
