My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
