how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
