know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
