Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
