Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
