Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
