i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
