Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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