those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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