gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He felt like a one man threesome
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
