I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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