I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
