I think I died a long time ago.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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