it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
