I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
