Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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