Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
